|Forum Home > A mother's view > Monday, Oct 1, 2012|
This was Written June 22/ 2011 a few years after my mom died
If she had any idea of what I deal with regarding Faith... I don't think she would ever understand. Sometimes I wish she was here for support though... Sure miss her for that. Having no one to talk to can sometimes make you feel like you are going to lose your mind. I shouldn't have to find a professional who is provided because of Faiths diagnosis. Now I feel I have a hard time opening up or just meltdown when I open up at all.
.....I miss you mom.....
As tomorrow would have been my mothers birthday and she loved Faith so dearly I was reading through a few older journal entries. It was a hard time losing my sister Corinne and then my mom but reading my entry I realized I can now smile and maybe I'm finally healed.
My dearest Mother,
It has been a long time since you left us but you didn't leave me - not really. Life is so very different for me now.
I miss you but somehow the days have continued on and I found a way to change my life and continue it! There have been so many changes in my life and I believe you would be proud of me for most of them and trying to continue my life. It hasn't always been perfect or easy but I have never given up - so far anyway.
Faith has almost forgotten you as her disability has become a lot to deal with - even with pictures she can not remember - the turmoil I thought was over your passing turned out to be because she's Autistic but we are coping. You would be so proud of her and her ways of looking at life. She is a very special child - just completing grade 2 but she has a lot of her disability causing problems - all we can do is guide her and hope we are doing the right thing. It is hard to find little or any help.. love is what is getting her through.. and maybe hard work. I try so hard not to give up - its hard some days.. but I try hard for them.
Hailey never got to meet you and you would have loved her. She is so special. So much energy and love - I just wish I could have had one moment to show you.. take a picture. She will never know you.. I guess somethings were just not meant to be.
I love you mom, I think of you and Corinne a lot. I miss her smile and laugh - I miss your hugs and laugh.. I hope somewhere you are laughing together. Funny thing is, if I close my eyes I can imagine it.. give Corinne a big hug for me and send her my love. I'm always sending my love to you.
Your loving daughter always